God's Calling (Part 4)

Kelly Bridgewater

Three weeks ago, I talked about discovering my calling for my life.

Two weeks ago, I talked about the steps I took to achieve this calling.

Last week, I talked about the changing of this passion.

This week, I want to talk about what I have been doing since I feel like writing isn't my passion anymore.

First, I started homeschooling my nine-year-old son who struggled in second grade. He read books better than any kid in his class, but when he closed the book, he couldn't answer questions about the plot. He would come home from school and have to do three to four more hours of school work every day. Math was a struggle. Memorizing his spelling words, vocabulary, and reading his stories were easy.

My husband and I, with many moments of joint prayer, agreed  to leave him home for third grade, and I give him the one-on-one attention he needs to make sure he succeeds in school.

Some days, he understands, and we fly through his lessons.

Other days, I want to strangle him and send him back to public school. If he doesn't care, why should I?

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My reward: He is now reading things and answering reading comprehension questions without fail. He understands what he is reading and gets tests and quizzes correct. His math skills have drastically improved. He knows ALL his multiplication facts, tells time, counts money, and can do division. I'm proud I have taken the year to invest in my son's education.

Plus, I think he really enjoys spending alone time with mom.

Second, I have been working on my book reviewing and a couple of cross-stitch pictures as gifts for this Christmas. It is nice to not be overwhelmed with writing that has to be done by a certain date.

Don't get me wrong. Plot ideas still pop into my head all the time. I'll write them down in my notebooks and put them back on the shelf. I find a research book at a yard sale, knowing I might need it later, so I buy it and stick it on the shelf. Not to be read yet.

One day, I pray God actually gives me the skills and comes alongside me to continue my heart's desire for writing. Some days, I still cry when I think about not writing, but I don't think it's something I should be doing right now.

Overall, my conclusion, if writing was really God's calling on my life, then why is it so hard for me to compose HIS story?

What about you? Have you ever felt this way?

I don't want to be a downer. I just felt like this was something I should be sharing from the bottom of my heart.

God's Call (Part 3)

Kelly Bridgewater

Two weeks ago, I talked about what believed the call on my life was.

Last week, I talked about how God and I had worked to take the steps to lead me toward what I believe what was the calling on my life.

I even left you with a cliff-hanger last week: What if writing isn't the call on my life?

What if God isn't calling me to write? What do I do now?

I'm not going back to school to pursue another career path. The first time around, I did it with no debt. I really don't want to do it again and rack up tons of debt.

But writing and reading is ALL I have ever enjoyed to do. 

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But when I have sat down to write in the past three years, I don't feel the words flow. My characters don't talk to me anymore. My writing appears very boring and not good enough.

I still have ideas pop in my head, but when I go to compose the scene, my fear of writing something horrible freezes me up, and I put the computer away. I write down the ideas in my notebook with my research notes and move about my day.

I have pleaded, begged, and prayed to God to come alongside me and compose these stories for his glory, but I don't hear anything or feel the comfort of his presence when I sit down to write.

Lately, I feel like God is telling me NOT NOW!!!

Which makes me really sad.

So what am I suppose to do with my life now?

Work five in the evening until one in the morning at the local grocery chain. Never make enough money to see the light of day. Work with NO PASSION until I die.

Did you catch those words? Those important words. NO PASSION.

Apparently, that is what I have now. NO PASSION. No passion for writing. No passion for reading. No passion for doing what I thought God designed me to do.

Come back next week where I will share what I have been working on since I discovered writing isn't for me at this stage in my life.

God's Call (Part 2)

Kelly Bridgewater

Last week, I talked about what I believed is God's calling on my life. The signs are all there. I LOVE to read and write. Nothing makes me more excited than plotting a story or discovering a new author or a new book by a favorite author. I LOVE recommending books to friends who ask for suggestions on what to read next. (And trust me, it happens A LOT!!)

So naturally, the thing that brings the most joy to my life is the tool I believed God wanted me to use to witness to others.

Jesus used stories to make a point, so if I loved stories, why couldn't I use stories to make a point?

BUT . . . 

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for the past twelve years, I have lined my life and college goals up with that choice. I worked on the newspaper in high school, I choose English as my major with Creative Writing as my minor for my Bachelor's degree, and I even went on to choose Writing for my Master's Degree. I believed I was on the correct path for a job in writing or publishing.

I wrote for the church newspaper. I helped students with their writing. I have helped friends with their stories and their writings.

I applied for jobs in the publishing industry. I applied for jobs to be a Writing Teacher in college or high school. I applied for jobs to be literary agents assistance with NO PAY.

I have spent years sitting at home, researching, plotting, and planning these novels.

I have written three complete novels. Even the synopsis.

BUT . . . (Yes, another "Y" in the road.)

Why have I studied the Bible and asked God to come alongside me in the journey to publication or a position with a publishing company? I have worshipped God even through the trials (and boy, have there been a lot of them.)

The question I'm asking now is:

What if writing isn't the call on my life?

God's Call (Part 1)

Kelly Bridgewater

How do you know God's calling for your life?

Do you think about this aspect of your life ALL THE TIME?

Do you have sprinkling of ideas pop in your head at weird times of the day, so you have to write down the ideas before they leave?

Do you actually get excited when you are immersed in this world?

Have you tried to stop and move to something else, but the tug of this aspect keeps dragging you back in with new ideas?

If not, lucky you.

I have.

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I believed and have believed for the past twenty-four years of my life that writing or books IS my calling from God.

I love to read. I love to analyze books, and the writers ability to show me a good story.

I love to write. Writing a research paper or crafting a story from my imagination fills me with excitement. I love the moment when a story idea or plot twist plops into my lap, and I can't wait to run with it and write the scene playing around in my head.

I love promoting authors. (Just look at the number of books on my blog!!!!!)

I have written three full length romantic suspense novels. I have written a number of bad novellas and really bad fan fiction for movies when I was younger. I have written stories since I was little.

The grammar aspect of writing and reading really didn't catch my attention until college when a professor introduced grammar like a puzzle that not everyone knows the answer. It made me feel special. Especially today, when texting lingo bothers me, which is why I blocked all texts to my phones. Keeps my friends close or they would eventually hate me.

What about you? What is your calling for your life? Is it writing? It is being an artist? An accountant?